A 6am call is never "normal" and I knew something was wrong. My poor mama had to call and tell me that her brother, the patriarch of our family... my Uncle John was dying. Brain bleed. 911. Ambulance. Hospital. Aunt Jeanne. Can't go visit. Covid. Ventilator. I heard all of those words. None of them were sinking in. Too surreal. He was fine. Too heartbreaking, my Aunt just lost her sister TOO OVERWHELMING. I CAN'T GO BE WITH MY FAMILY. Then the call came that he was off of life support, and he died. My Uncle John, big burly Uncle Johnny... was gone. My Aunt Jeanne posted on Facebook. So I posted... then Auntie T... And then mom posted... and our hearts broke. Just broke. Every time we talk - we just can't make sense of it. I know in time.. it will sink in. He will not be there at the airport when I get home next trip. He won't be at Christmas or at the table eating sauce. He's gone. BUT I WILL REMEMBER. I will tell the stories and I will keep him ali...
Well, the first two pics are from a very hard Day 7 I sat here... and bawled. Tristan and I had choice words about his eating. Well, not eating. His snacking. It didn't go well. I'll leave it at that. I sat here. Bawling. Crying out to God to save us. To heal our land. I told Him all of the things I CANNOT do. Well not in my own strength. I told Him all of the places I NEED to move out of. All of the insecurities I have. All the things I have fought SO hard for that I'm fearful He is asking me to just forget about. I'm scared of His "NO". I'm scared that I'm being corrected or chastised for all of the decisions I've made until now. That I've just messed it all up. But then, I remember that I'm just not that powerful. God has shown up for me in so many ways, so many times, and I can't forget that. I can't be like all of God's people who wandered in the desert 40 years... and then in their freedom, they w...
I'm not going to lie... these last two months have been brutal. Frustrating, lonely, eye opening, scary, sad.. all of it. Every possible emotion, I have felt. Tristan has had a terrible 3 months. I don't want to say it's depression, but it's a touch of it and it was terrifying. When he got sick and missed a couple of days of school...and studying.. a few bad tests and BAM - he was behind the 8-ball. He cried every day, he was scared and felt like he was unable to do anything. Thankfully we found a tutor and Hannah has been a godsend. She started giving him back his confidence and his grades started moving back up. Then, I realized that Tracy no longer wants to be my friend. Clearly I'm slow to the party and I while I knew I was no longer her favorite person, I had NO IDEA that I was off "the list". How naïve. To say that I am and was heartbroken was an understatement. I have been coming to terms with all of this.. at the same time as my s...
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