I miss my Mama... even when I'm standing right in front of her

 Zach and Sol took the kids to see Mom. I haven't heard how it went yet but i know she loved the hugs, because I know her. And what is left of her mind... I know that it still rings true. She loves her family!





But when I took T to see her on Tuesday, my heart was broken. She's frail. She's confused.




I only stayed two hours. And as I kept looking at her I realized that these are my final days with my mom. Nothing has been unsaid, but it's still SO hard. I miss her. I miss telling her secrets and complaining and laughing. I miss inside jokes and her visits and her meatballs. I miss her laughter, her "Julie Elizabeth!" when I was about to do something crazy. I miss her worry and concern. I miss her.

I got up and kissed her goodbye, knowing this might be the last.  As I walked out of the room, I heard her say "I love you Julie Elizabeth". I quickly ran back in, hit record on my phone and said "say it again" and she said "what?!" so I said... "what you just said, that you love me"..

and I got this.


Forever grateful that God gave me you. I know you would never want to just exist... but you are doing it so beautifully Mom. I miss you, I love you.  Thank you for everything you have done in my life.

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