Tristan normally goes out with the Grayson but they were invited to a party and decided to go do that. He took it like a champ, was fine. Me, not so much.
We talked long and hard about Covid and being in large groups and the potential dangers of that. I told him we could go out, I'd find some friends BUT we'd have to be very careful.
He just didn't want to. So, I offered to go to the old-timey candy store and he could get his loot there (in lieu of me paying for a costume). It was going to be a long day anyway... and I was ready to hit the Hallmark Channel.
Well, T had a soccer game, it didn't go well. Tears, a loss, crappy ref, just cruddy.
There was a full moon
A time change
and it was Halloween. I shouldn't have expected much.
Halloween was off, he was not trick-or-treating. He didn't want to.
Until he did. At 8:01pm. So with no costumes (that's a first)
Sooooo, what the heck, who was I to say no. He was going to be a soccer player and we would go up a couple of streets in our neighborhood and call it a night. He wanted to walk exactly one mile... so we did.
I howled at the moon and he was a soccer player.
Most houses had tables, they were very careful how they set up for kids. I should have done the same. I've just been so down in the dumps. #halloweenfail
But we walked and talked a lot... about this year. What we've missed. What was hard. What didn't matter. What shouldn't matter but did....
I told him I was sorry that it was "just me" and he said "Mom, it was actually fun to be just us, I liked it."
Then he came home and dumped out his 1 mile loot. It wasn't a lot but it was enough. His grandpa sent him candy, his Aunt Jeanne sent him money, his Bebah gave him huge bags of Twizzlers... he's spoiled!!
But I struggled. All night. I was SO sad. I was mad. Mad that we don't have a family that goes out and does things. That we aren't a family so we don't get invited .. heck maybe we wouldn't get invited.
I blamed myself for so much last night. Questioned every decision. Felt alone and not enough. That's what the enemy does, he seeks, he kills and he destroys. This disease has taken so much but it hasn't taken my life and I need to spend it being thankful and not bitter.
I miss my friends, I miss my family. It's a new day and I have to make the most of it and stop comparing my life to everyone else's on Facebook and Instagram. I'm whiney and sad and feel like I've been short changed... but guess what? I'm blessed beyond measure and I need to put on my big girl panties and act like it. One day closer to being out of this wretched year.
Election is in 2 days. God help us.
I'm putting up my Christmas tree. I need some joy.
Comments
Post a Comment