It's a Hard Knock Life... choose to make it beautiful!

 Divorce is hard. It's forever. It's relentless and it hits you between the eyes every holiday, every weekend, every everything. This was my first Christmas Eve without Tristan. I was invited to Ruth Ann's but honestly, I hated it for years, and I need to get used to this.

Gifts were wrapped... but they would have to wait.

This is T's first razor... get it... Santa Barber?  hahahahaha I'm funny!


Balfour gave me the gift of a weekend with friends.. so I got us tickets for Cirque du Soleil and we met Davis and Sue in FW


We had 4th row seats...


and while it wasn't my favorite...



It was dang good!


We froze on the way to dinner and it was only across the street!


But Mr. I'll Have The Lobster Tails Please

Said it was worth it...


Like I said... we froze..


But Sue and I caught up at the bar and Davis and T watched a movie together.  I call that a win!

I came home to this in the mail...

Signed Yankees baseball card from Tracy (Timmy)

A kid TRULY living out his dream!!



We drove home Sat, and T got ready to go to Ruth Ann's for the night.

I let T open one gift and smart boy chose Bumpa's!



He can't wait to play air soft!!

We watched church online... and then he was gone. I only cried once and reminded myself that I saw him on Christmas Eve (and he'd probably be playing video games because he wants nothing to do with me right now) and that Sunday I would see him for dinner.


Holt brought him home Sunday so I had the day with him!  We opened gifts and laughed at the socks (that was my Pastor's joke and it was perfectly timed).  He played with his stuff, I cleaned up and then showered to head to Lon's.

I'm thankful I was invited, it was good to see everyone but divorce SUCKS. Being married is HARD... but it's worth it.  I always wanted to have a few kids, their friends and spouses. I wanted to be THAT house after school and at the holidays. I'm the opposite. I'm alone.  And I'm dealing with that.  It was my choice to leave. I didn't want to choose it but it was so unhealthy and lonely and I just wasn't sure what would happen to us financially... so I left. It's a hard knock life... that is no joke.

I tear up when I think of future Christmases where Tristan has to pop into my house with his kids.. and run off to Holt's. I know that all too well and it stinks. My family was scattered in NY, California and Texas this year and it made me sad. The days of Christmas at Grandma's are over... and I need to just focus on the GREAT years, the great food and family and even with Tristan... focus on the years of wonder, and cheesy Christmas tree lightings and fake snow (or real in NY) and be grateful I have those memories at all.

Christmas is still beautiful, and it will forever be what I make of it.

Merry Christmas 2022!

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