Yet we press on...

When someone dies - they are gone.  Yes, I know you know this. I know this... but they are gone and somehow, everything just keeps on.  Keeps moving.  Parties happen, jokes are told.  People drive to their next appointment and cross the next thing off their to-do list.  That's life.

But for others, time stops.  Laughing is impossible, showering feels hard.  It's most painful when you wake up I guess because reality is punching you in the face.  The grief that this family feels is immense.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.  She wanted to be at each and every game. She was supposed to see them ALL graduate. She was supposed to be at EVERY wedding.  She planned to hold every grandchild and celebrate every milestone WITH YOU.

And yet... here we are.

A year ago, these two sat at the cheer banquet celebrating Hadley.

a month ago, she was cheering Tristan on, using my finger as a squishy to get her PT in for her hand.  I can see her sitting there.  Laughing, cheering, so proud.  I can see her standing in the other gym with the kids - happy that we were (almost) all there. WHY DIDN'T I TAKE THAT PICTURE!?!?!?!?!

Smart enough to take this one the following week...

When I took this picture I cried, literally had a rock in my throat - it was WEIRD.  I swear - my spirit knew but the rest of me was clueless. In my mind, we had many more tomorrows. My spirit knew.  And it wept.

I want a do over.  I know the kids want a do over.  Lon wants his Kimberly back. The kids want their mom! Tristan wants his Aunt. Ruth Ann wants her daughter ... and more than anything Holt wants his sister.  I want my Louise.

And yet... life has to go on.  One tiny step at a time.

So we take the pictures - AND FEEL YOUR ABSENCE.

They eat the dinner and smile and share common social graces but inside the only thing they probably thought of was that empty seat left in her honor.

(and what they would give to see you in it)

And in all of that... we know... you ARE with us and you would tell us to get it together and LIVE.

So for you Kimmie, I will check in and send the emails.  I will set the family dinners.  I will care for them like I promised.  Like I know you would for me.  We are Team Kimberly, now Team Coggeshall and we will live, and celebrate and love... and we will cry, wipe our tears and do it again tomorrow... because you wouldn't have it any other way.

Hadley will get these Wed - decided not to do Thursday on Cheer Try Out results day - that was your thing with her. Instead - we will remind and honor her and make you proud. And tell her... those are also from you. 

Because that's what you would tell us to do.  I miss you.  But in you ... because of you... we press on.

Love, Thelma