Tristan started with some nasty allergies on Wed and I should have known what was coming. Last weekend, he was SO sick. He slept for 14 hours straight on Sunday. I kept him out of school for 3 days and OMG we paid for it.
The amount of homework that this school sends is RIDICULOUS.
We had all the classwork (or so we thought) and completed everything. He came back to taking tests (with no teaching) ... GOOD TIMES!
Thursday, I emailed his football coach and explained the breathing situation, so he was benched for missing practice and for being sick. Then he was mad at ME. UGH. We got killed by ESD 26 - 0, could have been worse I suppose. Just found out how bad we are in football, maybe he won't want to play anymore. LOL
#33 (white) got about 5 minutes of play. He was horrified and mad but understood after a long chat (and a snow cone).
Somehow I scored this (and yes, they were VERY annoyed but played along)
He was back at school Thurs & Fri trying his best to catch up. Poor kid was so upset about grades and it's just SO damn unfair. I told him WE aren't looking back and we don't care!
Had some fun in 2D-3D art!!
And then I got it. It's been bad. Sinus infection, lost hearing in both ears and now heading to my chest trying desperately to become bronchitis. I struggled to breath last night and thought of all the people fighting Covid.
The loss of Liza Ferlenda because she wouldn't get the vaccine, the state of TX, our world. My life.
It's all SO depressing and hard. I'm sad, I'm lonely and quite frankly feel like a beat down dog. The good I choose to do daily MATTERS but it's hard to not just throw in the towel.
I've lost (what I thought was) a major friendship recently and it REALLY hurt. It's not easy to be my friend or be in my life and I know that. But it still hurts especially because of how it effects Tristan.
Everything feels like a mistake. Leaving NY where my friends and family are. Rally. Holt. my job. TCA. All of it. Mistakes. But I know I would have Tristan (or Brittany and Rally) or many of the friends I hold dear.
I can't seem to find my place. I can't find anyone that can love me. I can't find a house. I don't have many friends and those are very foreign feelings for me.
Thankfully, God sees. My faith is strong and I know I'm not alone. I'm raising Tristan - basically alone - the best that I can. Open hands, God, You will do a much better job than I possibly can. Thank you for letting me be his mama, help me to stay out of Your way.
Amen.
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