14 Years and 364 Days

 It feels like you were just born.  It feels like you were JUST turning 6.

You were 5 years and 364 days old... with a cut on your chin, snuggling  up against me in your jammies so excited for what was next.

I prepped the decorations, made sure the party was planned, cupcakes made, balloons blown up and your lunch wrapped in Happy Birthday paper so I could embarrass you at school. 

Fast forward... you are 14 years and 364 days old.  5' 10" and you almost weigh as much as I do.  Sheesh.  That was fast.

You are off at Chicken and Pickle with your some of your best buddies ...living your best life.

And I'm SO happy for you.  

But it's hard.  It's hard to know what to hold on to and what to let go.

Every year, I have to free you up to be a little more of a man, and less of my baby.  You don't need me like you used to ... but BRUH... trust me you still need me.  And not just for rides.

I've been there. I've made the mistakes and learned (many of) the lessons. I will not stop trying to live my life in a way that you see Jesus, see my humanity and my mistakes.  You don't really have any interest in what I say most of the time, but I know you watch what I do... like a hawk.  

Maybe it's to call me out, to catch me and pull the "monkey see monkey do" routine and think you can get away with doing something (cussing!)

In reality, I want to save you from the pain. From this ugly world. From drugs. From pornography. From divorce. From being a crappy friend or a bad husband. But I can't save you. It's not my job.  I have to point you to Jesus, be your parent (and sometimes your friend), and trust that you will choose well.  Trust that when you were 5 and 364 years old... it was somehow helping to shape who you are at 15 and 364 days old.

I'm posting this late (oops, fell asleep... I'm old) so when I print your blog this will come out in both books unless I can figure out how to fix that...

But know, I love you Tristan Holt Barber.  I would give up my life right now to ensure that yours was amazing. To ensure that you would know Jesus, have a great high school experience that would shape you for the rest of your life, have a great college experience and find the woman of your dreams that will make your heart skip a beat. But I can't ensure anything.  The only thing I can promise you is... that I will be here.

In the happy... in the sad. In the impossibly good and horrifically bad, I will be here.  And if for some reason, I no long walk this earth, I promise you I will find a way to show you that I'm still there.  Whether it's a bunny, or a mariposa, or a rainbow or someone falling on their butts (cuz I'm laughing) ... I'm there. You are the single greatest achievement of my life.  

I love you!  May your 15th year be your best yet!!!